每當我們拋出負面情緒,往往立刻激起身旁的人跟著一起吐苦水。這麼做,通常可得到同病相憐,同仇敵愾的情緒紓解。然而,效果其實非常短暫,也阻止了正面思考和真正解決問題的能力。

國外網站發起了一個拒絕抱怨的活動,號召網民加入。我們來看看這篇文章,教你用幾個簡單步驟,由負變正,改掉抱怨的習慣!

進入本文前,先想想幾個關鍵字要怎麼說:

(A)共患難的情誼 (B)發洩 ( 憤怒 ) (C)怒氣沖沖地叫嚷

To sin is human nature, yet we don’t commit moral crimes everyday. However, more than a few of us do complain on a daily basis, so it’s not an understatement to say complaining is second nature to us. Not only that, we also like to do it together, seeking solace and (A)camaraderie from one another when (B) venting anger. The negativity could be marginally positive in alleviating the stress of daily life, but the long-term effect is determinedly undesirable. Research shows that problem-solving and cognitive abilities are hampered not just by our own complaining, but by listening to other people’s gripes as well.

It’s never easy to get rid of something rooted in nature, but a few books and ideas are there to help us. First off, to combat habitual complaining, you need to identify what counts as “complaining” and what doesn’t.

“It’s cold outside” is neutral, but “It’s cold outside and I hate the weather” is a negative statement. Secondly, you should keep a note of the number of times that you complain in a day.

After the initial preparations, you can start taking some concrete steps like distancing yourself from the complainers among your friends, and adopting a proactive attitude. Whining together doesn’t constitute healthy friendships, and things that you dislike won’t (1) disappear into thin air just by swearing and (2) pointing fingers at them.

There are also a couple of tricks that you could use to avoid regression. For example, when you feel like (C) ranting about your boss, you can say “He gave me too much work, BUT I was able to finished it in time,” and instead of yelling “I can’t believe I HAVE TO make the presentation,” you can change the negativity by thinking “I can’t believe I GET TO make the presentation.”

人非聖賢,孰能無過,但人性中比犯錯還要更放諸四海皆準的,恐怕是喜歡發牢騷了。只要是人都會抱怨,而且還喜歡一起抱怨,藉由吐苦水來尋求慰藉和共同敵人。雖然抱怨確實有抒發情緒的些許好處,但長久而言,經常抱怨帶來的結果,很明顯是負面的

研究顯示一個人解決問題的能力,不只受到自己抱怨的影響,甚至連傾聽他人的抱怨,都會使人情緒低落。

要改掉天性絕不是件簡單的事,因此有專書特別教人該如何停止抱怨。

首先,我們必須釐清哪些言論才算是抱怨,例如「外面好冷」這樣一句話,並不算抱怨,但「外面好冷,我恨死這種天氣」就表露了負面情緒。接著,我們可以記下自己每天抱怨的次數。

完成這些準備程序後,你可以開始採取具體的行動,像是離開那些喜歡抱怨的朋友,改採比較積極的處事心態。一起抱怨並不是健康的交友基礎,而光是消極咒罵也無助於解決問題。

另外,你也可以用些技巧來避免習慣性的抱怨。像是當你對老闆不滿時,你可以說:「他給了我一大堆工作,『可是』我全都做完了。」而原本負面的想法「『為什麼是我』做簡報?」,不妨轉換為正面的「『總算輪到我』做簡報!」

  • 口語字彙
  1. Disappear into thin air

憑空消失

Disappear可以照字面意思解釋,就是在空氣中無端消失了。

Malaysia Air MH370 stopped communications less than an hour after taking off, as if disappearing into thin air.

馬航MH370班機在起飛不到一個小時後停止通訊,彷彿憑空消失一般。

  1. Point fingers at 指責,歸咎於

用手指頭指向別人,意思就是責怪對方,把過錯都指向對方的意思。

The jail hostage incident caused 6 deaths, and the public is pointing fingers at the prison administration.

監獄挾持事件造成6人喪命,外界把責任歸咎於獄方。

(文章來源:英語島雜誌;首圖來源:EliteDaily

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